Aware that readers can not fail to notice the numerous de- 


fects in this little pamphlet, it is but just to state that it is 
not a class enterprise, but is gotten up by two or three 
members of the class on their own responsibility. They ask 
that it may not be taken as an index of the ability of the 
class, and also that some allowance be made for the time and 
circumstances under which it was compiled—between 9 and 


7 o’clock of the morning after the funeral. 


EXERCISES 
PERFORMED AT THE BURIAL OF 
MECHANICS, 


BY THE JUNIOR CLASS OF UNION COLLEGE, 
JULY 13, 1863. 


In accordance with a custom recently inaugurated in this 
College, the Class of ’64 assembled to pay the last earthly 
tribute to Mechanics, with whom their intimate acquaintance 


has now ceased forever. 

On Monday evening, July 13th, at eleven o’clock, the funeral 
procession was formed under the supervision of Marshal James 
L. Seward, assisted by Aids M. M. Skiff and B. G. Smythe. 

The following was the 


ORDER OF PROCESSION. 


Brass Band, 18 pieces, led by Geo. Mayer. 
High Priest. 


Orator Poet. 
wn | 
= - Execrator. S 
: 3 
eA Hearse. bd 
E - 
z Pall Bearers. o 
ler] 
EA o 


CO. AV. 


Class of "64 with torches, banner, and transparencies. 


4 


The evening was dark and cloudy, which added greatly to 
the general effect of the scene. Although it had been very 
rainy and unpleasant during the day, still a large number of 
spectators had assembled in the streets of the city, and despite 
the inclemency of the weather, during the afternoon, and the 
lateness of the hour, many ladies yentured out to greet the pro- 
cession as it passed along. 


Its appearance was unique and imposing. The marshals 
appeared upon horseback, uniformed, somewhat after the Au- 
strian style; the chief being distinguished from his aids, by 
a beautiful red plume. The band discoursed sad and solemn 
music, quite in keeping with the melancholy occasion. The 
hearse, a very tasty arrangement, prepared and furnished by 
Mr. JoHn BAME, was drawn by four white horses, appropriately 
decked and plumed. In behalf of the Class, we would express 
our thanks to Mr. Bame, for the interest he has manifested in 
the occasion, and the kind services he has rendered. 


Upon the hearse reposed the rich and magnificently decorated 
coffin. j 

On either side with down-cast (7) countenances and solemn (7?) 
mien, in their unique dresses of mingled white and black, 
marched the pall-bearers. 


Following these were the relatives of the deceased — the 
Class of "64. E 

The grotesque appearance of the bereaved individuals, wear- 
ing a Turk-like dress of pure white, and bearing flaming torches, 
gave a singularly impressive cast to the scene. ‘The banner had 
the following device: A skeleton standing amid the flames of 
Hell, and casting a huge book, entitled Mechanics, into the 
seething fires; while the instruments employed in illustrating 
this science were represented as falling into the same gaping 
abyss. Below was a fine sketch of his Satanic Majesty, wel- 
coming the new comer to his appropriate home. 


In a semicircle was the following: Sic SEMPER MACHINALIS ! 
At the top of the banner were three mechanical figures, with 
* 64" in the centre. At intervals in the procession were three 


5 


transparencies, bearing many comical and amusing pictures and 
inscriptions. 

We can speak of only a few. 

One, a perfect and exact portrait of our worthy Professor, is 
particularly worthy of attention. Another, representing the 
Devil teaching a class in his own dominion with * The Future 
of Mechanics,” was finely executed. 

The banner and transparencies were gotten up by the ** Com- 
mittee” themselves and reflect great credit upon their ability 
and efforts. We opine they can not be excelled. Others bore 
appropriate inscriptions, such as “8S. Machinalis Mortuus-est. 
Gaudeamus !” ‘64. Union College. ‘ Per Aspera ad Astra? ”’ 
etc. One, representing a * KO W,” had “ Te quoque Brute pr 

After marching through the principal streets of the city, the 
procession passed up Union street to the college Campus, where 
the funeral rites were performed in the following order: 


ODE BY THE CLASS CHOIR. 


Why do we mourn, why do we fear 
Mechanics! early doom? 

We are all pilgrim strangers here, 
Descending to the tomb. 


His form no more excites our fear, 
So horrid, ghastly, grim, 
Mechanics now is on his bier, 
But then the beer's on him. 


He's gone with lever, wedge and screw, 
To Pluto's dark domain; 

We pray his phiz we ne'er may view, 
Nor see his like again, 


In Hades now there's tumult dire, 
All hands have got the blues ; 

The younger imps from trying friars, 
Have gone to trying screws. 


Next came the 


6 


PONTIFICALIS CEREMONIA — By Geo. AgTHUR. 


The Pontifex, or High Priest, was arrayed in the robes of his 
office, and had, suspended from his breast, a huge “ &. B. K." 
key, emblematic, undoubtedly, of the future of the class. The 
part was finely written, well read, and received with marked 
favor by the audience. It contained a rich vein of wit, sar- 
easm, and humor. After this the band rendered one of their 
peculiarly striking and melancholy pieces : when 


GRAVE REMARKS — Bv Cuas. J. Novzs, 


were offered. This oration was one of the most finished and 
highly Class-ical productions to which we have had the pleasure 
of listening. It abounded in apt comparisons, and displayed 
infinite richness of imagination and force of expression, and 
was received with such marked demonstrations of favor as left 
. no doubt as to its real merits. 

The choir then chanted this beautiful tribute to the de- 
parted : 


MUSICA SOLLENNIS. 


Mechanics that is taught of! And is full of |trouble. 

Jack is for two terms. 
It is served up like a tough But it vanisheth away 

beefsteak, and is crammed down |like a shadow and is for- |gotten. 
Glory be to the Prof. snd|to the Prex. |And to the class of|sixty-four. 
As it was when we were 

fresh, is now an 

shall be, when we are|seniors. World without|bores. Amen 


Next in order was the 


POEM — By James Davis, JR. 


We feel that this effort, on the part of our Class Poet, was 
well worthy of the occasion, and of the Class of ‘“’64” 

It was finely written ; and contained richly portrayed and sug- 
gestive points, recounting our term's experiences, and pieturing 
a brilliant future for the one we mourn. At the close of the 
poem, the Choir again favored us with a beautiful ode — 


7 


CANTUS MASTORUM. 


Come swell the song in longest tones, 
We feel a load ta’en off our breast, 
As here we lay Mechanics’ bones, 
Beneath the turf, their final rest ; 
One last dirge to Mechanics’ ghost, 
One mournful dismal long drawn howl, 
Thank of the two the devil most, 
That we at last have made a rowl. 


Here with Mechanics we confine 

All ills that haunt a Junior's soul; 
And here we fill with ruddy wine, 

To senior year the flowing bowl; 
Cast in the dirt without delay, 

We’er on our final Junior bum, 
When morning breaks, as Seniors gay 

We'll wag our compound pendulm. 


Next came the 


MALEDICTION — By D. S. Crump. 


With regard to this production, the following extract from 
the Schenectady Star and Times of July 14th, speaks for 
itself: 

“The ‘Damnator Maximus’ of Mr. Crumb was a horribly 
grim spectacle, but done in the finest style, reminding one of 
the Hamletian ghost of Shakspeare. We thought we were 
indeed near his Lordship, Satan, when we saw the flame and 
smoke. * * * * * The literary merit of the piece, we 
must candidly say, surpassed that of ‘’63.’” 

Before the coffin was covered by the verdant sod, the follow- 
ing ode, bespeaking our freedom, was sung: 


CANTUS EXONERATORUM. 


To the solemn tricks of Mechanics 
We bid farewell forever, 

To the line and the sine and the plane incline, 
And the confounded lever ; 


The problems bred in the water’s head, 
Breed no more pain in ours; 

But we shout a stave o’er gravity’s grave, 
And we bury a power of powers. 


Cuonvs — To the solemn tricks, &c. 


His screw was loose, his wedge no use, 
Reversed was his metacenter, 
His tender sucking pump was stuck, 

And his horse power off on a canter, 
His wheel was spoked, his siphon choked, 
His force pump valves were sleeping, 
Then Mechanies gave his last kicks, 

And there was little weeping. 


Cuorus— To the solemn tricks, &c. 


Now Mechanies has measured styx, 
His sticks no more we'll measure ; 

The barometers bore shall bore us no more, 
Nor the dirty water's pressure, 

For here we fix dead Mechanics, 
Let none of his whereabout tattle, 

Till in gifted ear of the Sophs next year, 
His old dry bones shall rattle. 


Cuorvus— To the solemn tricks, &c. 


While the grave was being filled up, the band discoursed a 
mournful dirge. The singing was conducted by ArxEx. Da- 
VIDSON, and reflected the utmost credit upon his skill, taste, and 
musical ability. The odes were written by members of the 
Class. The first two being composed by Ezra T. Carr. The 
chant and last, by ALEX. DAvIDsoN. 

Our marshal has fully realized to us the high opinion we 
have ever entertained of his abilities as a leader. We doubt 
not his class-mates will long remember his valuable serviceg 
upon that occasion; destined to be one of the most lasting, and 
prominent of our collegiate experiences. 

Over the remains stands a handsome and tasty monument’ B. 
bearing the following inscription : | 


IN 
PERPETUAM MEMORIAM 
Scientiz Machinalis, M. T. 


Que Judicata et Tramissa est. 
AB 


JUNIORE CLASSE, LXIV. 


MULTIS VARIISQUE PERFUNCTA LABORIBUS 
CUM 


Orci lemuribus, terribilibus, peragrave frustra 
quaerens intercapedinem molestie. 


MDCCCLXTII. 


Mortuus est;— quid non tempus imminuit ? 
Jam O, Miserique Sophomores resurrexit ; 

Hiemis frigiditate ille perrumpit Acheronta, 
Kt vestram inertiam diligentia veniet contra ! 


(Translation.) 
IN LASTING MEMORY OF 
MECHANICS, 
CHIEF OF BORES, 


Who has been judged, and sent by the Junior Class of 764, 
after having performed many and various labors, to wander 
among the terrible shades of Orcus, in vain seeking a respite 


from trouble. 


1863. 


He is dead. What will not time o’erthrow? 
Soon, O miserable Sophs., he will arise again ; 

In winter’s cold he will burst through Acheron, 
And your idleness by diligence restrain. 


10 


PONTIFICIS MAXIMI SERMO. 


Hear my words, O ye disciples of JoHn; and give ear unto 
me, ye that mourn for Mechanics. 

That which is born of nature is good, and vanisheth not; lo, 
it is eternal, and endureth forever. But that which is born of 
genius is of few days, and passeth away. It cometh forth like 
a briar bush, and is plucked up and destroyed; it withereth 
away also, and continueth not. Thus, O, Mechanics, it hath 
been with thee! 

For it came to pass in the land of Dutchdom that there was 
a great dearth of wisdom; and the inhabitants thereof were 
afflicted much. 

Verily hath it been said, the ox knoweth his owner, and the 
ass his master’s crib; but the people of Dutchdom were an 
ignorant people, and knew not anything. 

They knew not of the living forces, nor of the air, nor of 
moving objects, nor of things at rest. 

Yea, they had lost their equilibrium! Then it happened in 
those days, that there lived a great wise man in Dutchdom. He 
was a Captain, and marshaled many hosts; and his name was 
Isaac. 

Isaac was a good man, and he loved his people; and when 
he saw the pest which had befallen them, he was sorely 
grieved. 

Then he set about to cure his people; and he prescribed 
for them in many laws. 

And when he had made his laws, he saw thatthey were good ; 
and he gathered them together, and they made a great book. 

And when he was done, he called unto him John, a great 
high priest who lived in the land, and shewed him his 
work. And John saw it, and he knew that it was good. 

Then Isaac spake unto John, saying, Go up on the Hill, and 
gather unto you a great multitude, the young men of all the 
land, and teach them.my laws, whereby they may be cured of 
their diseases. And when they have learned my laws, bid them 


1l 


go and proclaim them throughout all the land to all the iaha- 
bitants thereof. For thus it seemeth good in my sight. 
Then John went up on the Z/i//, and there were gathered unto 
him a great multitude from all the land around about him. 

Yea, came they unto him from Hubtown, and from Dorp, 
and from the Metropolis, and from the Queen City; and it 
came to pass that he had many disciples. 


But these young men took not quick of knowledge. They 
were thick of skull; and their hearts were waxed gross; and 
their ears were dull of hearing; and their eyes they had closed ; 


and they were afflicted with all manner of diseases. 

And when many classes had come, and all of them had gone 
away ignorant of the teachings of the great high priest, then the 
last class came, of which ye are, O, my hearers. j 

And when they shewed much tact, and a great love for 
Mechanics, then John said unto them, ye are my disciples in 
whom I am well pleased. 

Now Jsaac, who ruled over them was a jealous captain; but 
when he had heard of the well-doing of the younger disciples 
of John, he was much pleased, and marvelled, saying, Verily I 
say unto you, that many blockheads have desired to see those 
things which ye see, and have not seen them; and to hear 
those things which ye hear, and have not heard them. 

Then after he had spoken these words, he went away ; but he 
appeared again unto certain of them in the form of a dream, and 
told them to go up to the sanctuary of the great high priest, 
and offer up sacrifices and prayer to atone for the iniquity of 
the past, and for the evils of those who had been there before 
them. 

And these dreams were whispered amongst all the disciples; 
and when darkness covered the face of the earth, they went 
up, and took with them unto the sanctuary of the great high 
priest a huge white heifer. 

And it came to pass that the heifer was the great high 
priest's; and went she up without the knowledge of her owner. 

And when the disciples had prayed and propitiated their lord 


12 


by many sacrifices, they went away and left the heifer in the 
sanctuary. 

And it came to pass when John arose in the morning, he 
went out to look for his heifer; and he did search diligently 
among the goats, and the swine, and the bulls, and round all 
the precincts of the sanctuary; and, lo, be found her not. 

Then it happened that he went up into his sanctuary to 
meet his disciples; and, behold! he findeth there his heifer. 

Then it came to pass that there was great rejoicing amongst 
all the disciples. For the Hil/ did shake with glad shouts; and 
the sanctuary was perfumed with sweet odor; and the fogs 
did flow with milk and — honey. (? ) 

And after that RAMS were offered up; and there was great 
rejoicing. 

But the wrath of John was kindled against his disciples ; 
and he cursed them, and withheld from them his wit; whereby 
his disciples were much grieved. 

And after that, he lead them up to the temple of Isaac; | 
and taught them there wonderful things. 

But he had got to hate his disciples, and was vexed with them. 
And when certain of them tried to propitiate him, he scowled 
at them, and became still more enraged. 

And there was strife between him and them; and then, O, 
Mechanics, there was enmity between them and thee. 

And John saw that there was enmity; and he cursed them, 
saying: 

Cursed be the transgressors of my Jaws. 

Cursed be the man that is slothful, and neglects Mechanics. 

Cursed be the man that drove away my cow. 

Cursed be ye that offered up the rams. 

Cursed be the /amb (Lamb) that bleateth for mercy. 

Cursed be the noise (Noyes) that disturbeth my peace. 

Cursed be Bartemus, that astonisheth us with his wonderfully 
wise answers. 

: Cursed be the how/ (Howell) that I i» hate; for it is mour :- 
ful and melancholy. 


RE ESE Ta ART ire Tne are er NL sD CD RE 
13 


Cursed be Thomas, who is a sober youth, and attendeth well 
to his duties. 

Cursed be them all; unto them naught (0) shall be given. 

And from that day, O, Mechanics, thou hast been deserted, 
despised and damned of us all. 

As the sheep are separated from the goats, and the ram from 
the sheep, so thou hast been separated from us, and thy soul 
from thy body. 

Both shall be consigned to the grave. The body in the 
grave shall perish; but thy soul shall be raised up at the last 
day; and it shall haunt those who come after us. 

O, Sophs, beware of the terrors that await you! O, Fresh- 
men, sporting in the innocence of your infancy, ye know not 
the troubles that ye shall find ! 

Mechanics — vagabond of vagabonds, pest of the studious, 
corrupter of the youthful mind, and infamous disturber of 
sweet dreams — shall appear unto you in hideous form! 

But to us, O, Mechanics, thou art lost. Into the dominions 
of the Devil thou shalt this night descend. But Hell itself 
shall give up its prey; and, though dead, thou shalt rise again. 
The Sophs will ransom thee from the power of the grave. 
They will redeem thee from death. 

O, Death, they will be thy plagues ! 

O, Grave, they will be thy destruction! 


fum, hati GLb ty C jay d te F 


14 


ORATIO 


From remotest time burial rites have been a fixed thing 
in the order of human events. History exhibits all nations — 
savage and eivilized — joined hand in hand in the payment of 
tribute to the departed. To whatever clime we turn; on what- 
ever shores we land; whatever skies bend above us; whatever 


landscape lies around us — on every hand we behold monumen- 
tal piles and waves of green, bespeaking the bones of the dead. 
Wander to Italy’s classic shore, linger where the *' Eternal 
City " towered from her throne of hills, visit Greece the mother 
of sages and the nurse of arms, climb the Alpine heights, with 
their helmets of eternal ice, — anywhere, everywhere, death's 
pale shaft points heavenward, and with silent eloquence utters 
its eulogistic story. Penetrate even, the wilds which nestle at 
the foot of the Rocky Mountains, or stretch in luxuriant undu- 
lations adown the Pacific slopes beyond, and here and there we 
see the Red-man’s roughly-fashioned mound of turf and stone. 
Beneath the fiery blaze of the equatorial sun, and in the land 
of perpetual snow, where the Arctic night holds her solitary 
reign, and Aurora lights her crown of fire, death reaps his har- 
vest and the grave-yard presents its motionless billows. **'Tran- 
siens" is Nature's universal anthem. 

With pomp and ceremony each nation bears its honored to 
their final resting places, and over their tombs the poet utters 
his loftiest strains, the orator pronounces his grandest eulogy, 
and the bard tunes his lyre to sweetest song; while some Phi- 
dias, with art divine, is summoned to chisel his virtues in en- 
during marble, and the historian traces his memory in letters 


of undying fame. Nor are the ancients our superiors in bestow- 
ing the honors due from the living to the dead. We yield to 
no age in homage at the shrine of fallen grandeur, or departed 
worth — bow to no people in the beauty with which we clothe 
the sacred repositories of humanity’s crumbling dust. Richer 
than any Hesperides, with no dragon at its entrance, lovelier 
than any Thessalian vale of Tempe, are these gardens of 


15 


church-yard marble, to which Friendship is prone to turn, 
and where Love delights to linger ; — more sacred far than any 
Delos, and grander in their associations than the ancient Mau- 
soleum, with its encircling columns. 

And yet no such beauties are strewn about us to-night. No 
towering marble lifts its splendor crowned top, telling of grand. 
eur and of wealth — no hallowed reminiscences bespeak a past 
full of by-gone achievements, or portend a future of historic glory. 
Our * Campus" is an humble one — unlike the Esquilinus, 
its soll was not bequeathed by a Roman Senate. No gorgeous 
train, — no golden feretrum — no sacrifice — its odors wafted to 
the star-lit dome of midnight, greet us. No laudation of a 
Pericles — no eulogy of a Demosthenes — no panegyric of an 
Isocrates, — pronounces his praise; but here in a spot doubly 
endeared by the sacred reminiscences which  .uster about it, 
and at an hour, when all nature seems hushed to repose — when 
the pulse of fevered strife is still, the brain of selfish interest 
has ceased its throbbing, and the pale night watchers alone keep 
vigil as they tread their silent rounds — we bury him in soil 
consecrated alike by thoughts of the Past and visions of the 
Future, and pay our last tribute to his memory and his virtues. 
Still the occasion will not soon be forgotten. When years shall 
have gone, and others come here to reénact this scene, we shall 
turn in fancy to our college days, and thinkin silence and in 
sadness of those with whom we buried our “ hardest" relic of 
Juniority. We shall seem to live this hour anew and the deep- 
ening shadows. on life's wall — sketehed there by Time's cease- 
less pencil — will stand out as realities, bidding the to-day yield 
to yesterday, like leafless autumn lingering in the lap of early 
Spring. 

For us S. Machinalis is no more ; in the glimmering of life's 
evening, while his declining sun seemed retiring but to welcome 
in another day, he has gone down earth's “ inclined plane" and 
passed into the “equilibrium” of the grave. With ‘’63’s ” 
collegiate year he departs — death takes him from our daily 
walks, and we shall look in vain for one to fill his place. Yes, 


16 


He’s dead, and our weary labors oer, 
We pray to Hades’ God that ever more 
Our lives be spared another such a ** bore!” 

Still, would my feeble tongue could do justice to the hour, 
the hero or the occasion ; would some muse might inspire me 
with a Nestor’s eloquence to picture in truest characters his 
many virtues. No ordinary circumstance has transpired, no 
common one is taken from us, death’s signet has touched a 
shining mark. 

* Pallida Mors zquo pulsat pede pauperum tabernas Regumque 
turres " — 
sings the poet, and how “ diteraral a translation " (not BoHN’s) 
is the present hour! <A bright arrow has been plucked from 
our quiver; an irreparable loss has been sustained — a loss to 
study — loss to trouble — loss to “ midnight oil” and “low 
bills" Not in the usual quietude of life's eventide — not in 
the ease of sluggish indolence — not in idle neglect of duty did 
he pass away ; but in the full tide of action — the warm pulse 
beating as vigorously as before, and marshaling his * forces” 
with ‘ speed" and *' velocity" to “ overcome resistance" in the 
* path? of his * ascension." To him the call of duty and the 
strength of desire were but ** parallel forces? and “ applied at 
the same point " — the performance of all the “ effective work" 
possible. Like Minerva from the brain of Jove — springing 
from the mathematical ** encephalon ” of his author, and pano- 
plied in complete armor, he seems to have been destined to the 
career he has followed — “‘ a stumbling block and rock of of- 
fence " to juvenile genius! We who have felt his “ pressure ” 
know with what ‘ elasticity”? we discovered a “ tendency to 
move" from his * point of application," and we can fully “ de- 
termine his resultant." 

Ye sleepless nights of fevered thought and visions of 
* wheels " more horrid than Ixion's; ye days of unremitted toils, 
till the nerveless grasp let fall the tired pen, and ** lecture books ” 
became as Draco’s awful statutes — I call ye to witness his 
“mower!” | Ye *ecurvilinears," compared with which laby- 
rinthian windings were an easy '' path," and “ lines” compre- 


17 


hended only by some mathematic Theseus, I ask you to pro- 
nounce the woeful tale of horrors past! Ye ‘ pluses,” heights 
too lofty for the aspiration of common minds, I summon you to 
the funeral of * visions of greatness too quickly fled!” Sisy- 
phus, rolling the stone of Hades, and bound to thy perpetual 
yet profitless task— thy toils were light to this we suffer. 
Tantalus seized with insatiable thirst and “immersed in fluid” 
whose ebbing tide thou didst assail in vain — happy fate com- 
pared to ours. We, too, grasped at golden fruitage and found 
but emptiness ; aye 
—— ‘‘leaped at stars, and fastened in the mud." 

Son of Iapetus chained amid Caucasus’ frowning cliffs, and be- 
neath Asia’s burning sun, with famished vultures feeding at 
thy vitals — how far less fortunate we, with no Hercules to 
come as deliverance. Radamanthus, on Tartarus adamantine 
throne, justice saw its palmiest days beneath thy rule; days 
alas ! no more in the Fostering care of some ** Artiwm Magister." 
Sweet tongued Orpheus thy melodious pipe has found its peer ; 
for the cows of the valley ennamored of wisdom sought our hero’s 
presence, like Sheba’s queen before Israel’s sage ; and lingered 
at his shrine— like some vestal virgin, still keeping watch, 
while the night sped on, and scattering fresh incense around the 
altar. 

But he has fallen; we come to bury not to praise. Years 
have fled since he was born. Glance at his ancestry — Earn- 
shaw, Poisson, Sauri, Francoeur — splendid galaxy of illustrious 
names. Pause awhile and view a life so profound —a history 
so grand. What hundreds have sat at his feet and drank deep- 
ly of his philosophical mysteries. Recall them now from life’s 
varied walks, and tell me if his was a useless sacrifice in search 
of ** figure" -ative profundity. Methinks they stand with us to- 
night and offer thanks for the hours not spent in sport. Memory 
like a * Mnemosyné” from the Past lights her torch, and leads 
me back to other days; she points to his temple and whispers of 
by-gone hours. There have lingered many we now honor— 
many “‘ Union” delights to call her sons ; poets — the Homers 
of to-day ; warriors, in liberty’s exalted service, and leading em- 


battled hosts to victory and to deathless fame ; statesmen, lead- 
ers of their day ; sages, the most enlightened; artists, whose 
pencils mirror Nature; orators, worthy of a Hellas’ Golden 
Age; scholars, whose “names are wisdom;” these pass us in 


the panoramic train of successive years. Welcome honored 
ones — welcome to our sad labors — welcome —thrice welome — 
to a spot endeared by fondest ties and tenderest memories] Be 
witnesses, with what zeal we prove ourselves worthy pupils of a 
worthy master! And we in turn will leave our “ copy books," 
glittering with stores of wisdom and gems of art, to our suc- 
cessors; and like Xenophon in our * memorabilias” rear an 
imperishable monument to our teacher. Hail, then, future 
classes in our dear old * Alma Mater ; " — Juniors yet to be! 
We beckon you onward in the path we leave. Difficulties, it is 
true, await you — labors worthy of Virgil’s heroic verse or 
Milton’s Eden-pieturing pen; but press boldly on, ‘ screw” 
your courage to the proper * evel," and failure is impossible. 
Use the ** levers” experience proves good, and the “ fulcrum” 
rightly adjusted all is safe. With some “stray leaf" as a 
* chart and compass ” bravely sail the mathematic sea. Scylla 
and Charybdis will threaten you in vain, and the “ retreating 
Italy " will at length afford you harbor. But avoid Palmurus’ 
fate. Elude the vigilance of ‘‘ PRor "-etic eyes, and “ seem” 
if you can not “BE.” Never “flunk;” itis better to enter 
the “records” with a fizzle” than with a failure stand at 
“ Zero." So reads the * college scripture; ponder its lesson 
and ‘‘ dare be wise." 

Machinalis is dead ;—— no, “not dead but sleepeth." He 
will rise again on the “ appointed day," and summon you, un- 
happy ones, to his courts. Go not “with fear and trembling.” 
Prepare your fleetest steeds, and, like Mazeppa of Byronic 
story, you will * pass the desert (of sines and cosines) to a 
throne," and wear a * Pur BETES" diadem, if you deem it 
worth the sacrifice. The future, then, we leave with you, 
trusting you will accept the boon, and guard it well. When 
from his grave, like a “ Banquo's ghost," our hero shall arise 
to deaden the coming year, heed the lesson he imparts, and, at 


19 


the proper hour, send his “extravagant and erring spirit” 
back to its fitting “confine” with becoming ceremonies; so 
mote it be till it shall cease to be 


———— 


; ‘Ca custom 
More honored in the breach than the observance !”’ 


Classmates—men of 64—our work is nearly ended; but a 
brief period are we to linger about this hallowed spot. The 
turf soon takes to its bosom the last, greatest of our junior tri- 
bulations ; soon we shall walk as “‘ grave and reverend seniors," 
and our college life will end. Not many months will we see 
* Union's shadows lengthen, or her gray walls gilded by the 
setting sun. 


** When Captain Jack has seen his plants 
In bloom a few times more”’ 


others will stand where we do now, and hold their Machinalian 
“revel.” Still we shall never forget the impressions of to- 
night. Here will be the “center of gravity” to which our 
thoughts will often “tend.” Nor shall we blot from memory 
the toils of the past six months, though we recall them not in 
pain. ‘¢ Acti jucundi sunt," and our teacher scattered his 
* gems of wit” along the rugged path we trod. We com- 
mend these last to the attention of our successors, and trust 
they will encourage such “flashes of Attic genius.” Wehave 
reached the long desired goal; and, like the “ Pilgrim at the 
Cross," our “burden” falls off. With the “helps” known 
best to students, we have “run the race," and look forward to 
our “reward.” Thus let us teach others, if they would hear 
the glad welcome, * Enter into the ‘ Philosophy professor’s’ 
joy.” We add but a word to the departed one. Sleep 
calmly after * life's fitful fever ;” 
vale." Thou hast been to us more than a common study. 
We learned to prize thee well, despite the difficulty of our 
acquaintance; for we hardly KNow thee now. ‘“ Nature made 
thee, and then (thank heaven!) broke the mould." But no 
more will thy presence haunt us; and we would heed the 
Latin fiat * de mortuis nil nisi bonum." We have discovered 


we bid thee our * longum 


20 


thy “moment of inertia," and reached the ** measure of thy 
force.” Life's ‘‘ pendulum” no longer ** oscillates ;” thy **vir- § 
tual velocity” is reduced to “Zero.” Beyond the grave I, | 
cannot go. None but a poet’s vision can lift the vale which f 
clouds death’s night, and trace the secrets of the ‘ undis- 
covered land," where Charon* plies his oar, and where Pluto 
gathers his * band of shadows." To him we leave that loftier 
task, while for thee, silent sleeper, we breath our parting 
prayer :— 
** Sit tibi terra levis !” 


' DE MORTE MACHINALIS POEMA. 


Time, thou man of glass and sickle, 
Thou hast;got me in a pickle ! 

What will the professors say 

On examination day, 

When I fizzle, flunk and blunder, 
Gnash my teeth and foam, O, thunder ! 
That the Tutor, mathematic, 

Dwelt in some far dingy attic 

On the hoarse Trinacrian shores,— 
Fitting place for all such bores ? 


So, a Sophomore, I sung 

In the golden days 

When tutes were bores and I was young 
In all scholastic ways. 

When carping care found place nowhere 
Within collegiate walls; 

When all my time was spent in rhyme 
And pushing billiard balls. 


I had no thought of Junior year, 
No creaking voice fell on my ear, 
Demanding explanation 

Of planes inclined and forces lined 
From points of application. 


21 


Ah well-a-day ! Time rolled away 
And brought my Junior year! 
When Jack’s Mechanics 
Brought me panics, 

And Louis brought me beer. 


When Mathematics and Hydrostaties 
Had fuddled so my brain 

That oft the street 

Came up to meet 

My face, like inclined plane. 


I see the boys with hoot and noise 
Walk in erratic courses ; 

While Charley begs 

* Do use your legs 

As parallels of forces.” 


Upon the street I oft did meet 
Professors’ vast pomposities. 
And rapid girls 

In veils and curls, 

Scarce ‘“ virtual velocities." 


- But now my Junior year was dead, 

And, all its joys and sorrows fled, 

I sat within my room. 

While round my head the smoke-wreaths curled 
I dreamed a dream, and straight was hurled 
From joy to deepest gloom. 


For I fell asleep to the dulcet note 

Of the soothing College-bell, 

And my soul, in sorrow, seemed to float 
To the uttermost parts of Hell. 


The Devil was smoking a meerschaum pipe 
As I entered at the door. 

Slippers and gown of red-hot brass 

His Satanie majesty wore. 


22 


I thought I had seen the pipe before 

In a certain professor’s hand— 

A Prof. deeply skilled in Chemical lore, 
Who was quite, by its loss, unmanned,— 
Who chose to put a tragical end 

To the pipe he had given his dearest friend. 


And the Devil eyed me from head to foot, 
And said, what brings you here? 

Alas! your highness, I replied, 

"Tis the end of the Junior year. 

And Jack’s Mechanics has long been sick 
In anguish and sore pain, 

And as it has always been “ taken bad” 

’T will not get well again. 


And I have come, as a personal friend, 

To tell you to damn him well.— 

To give him the hottest and fiercest flames 
That are made in the depths of Hell. 

Let Devils plunge him in melted pitch, 
And howl and screech with Eldritch cries 
Around the seething caldron, in which 
His frying and hissing carcass lies. 


Let Hecate’s sisters with skinny fingers 

Tear eyes from sockets and flesh from bones 
Let gibbering goblins, while life yet lingers 
Curse him and drown with yells his groans. 


Why, quoth the Devil, you seem quite excited ! 
Keep cool, my dear sir, though the weather is hot. 
Shall I ring for a ** sour," a * punch” or some claret, 
A nice sherry cobbler, a julep, or what ? 


Even while he spoke there entered at the door 
The banner and the crest of 64: 

And following these there came in long array 
A host of shadows pressing on their way. 


The flambeaux light a ghastly splendor shed 
On the procession of the sheeted dead. 

They bore a bier, on which a monster book 
Was lying with a conscience-stricken look, 

As though it knew that now the day had come 
For Junior’s right and for Mechanics’ doom. 
There came a cow whose wild upbraiding low 


Proclaimed a heart nigh breaking with its woe. 
It well remembers that it once has been 
Within a like abode of gloom and sin, 

And stares to see thé stairs up which it went 
One night on studying Mechanics bent, 
Reproachful eyes it casts upon that tome 

That wooed it from its grassy sylvan home, 
And longs for that dear hand that erst did pour 
Its * milk of human kindness” on the floor. 


Well may the Tree of Knowledge flourish there ; 
The sods are rich ; though ne'er before they were. 


The little devils are looking about 

Through the kitchen windows, and raise a shout. 
« Q here's a go!” they yell ** heads out” 

And out of the windows there straight are borne 


Full many a head and many a horn. 
(That's a ** sark" on North College, you dare be sworn) 
And the Devil gets wrathy and tears his hair, 


(If he were not pious he'd awfully swear) 
But he'll fine any man who is any where 
Within forty yards of Hades. 


But let that pass as an episode 
And return to the path from which we strode. 


The Devil puffed out a cloud of smoke 
Then looked at the crowd and thus he spoke: 


** Ye are the sprightliest set of sprites 
lever knew, 


24 


Ye are too black a set of wights 
To be so blue, 

Ye are the loosest set of tights 
I e’er did view. 


Sticks none within the Styx 
Of all your band ? 

Licked ye the wave that licks 
Tartarus' strand ? 

There is no rhyme but bricks 
Ye bricks! at hand." 


Seeing the Devil’s rhymes had nearly gone 
I interrupted him and thus went on. 


These are the men whose robes have been made white 
In Louis’ bier on every other night : 

Who offered asafetida and smoke 

To please the Juniors and the Profs to choke. 
None e’er eschewed his chewing of the weed 

Or let his Alma Mater run to seed, 

None e’er refused to look at pretty feet 

But doffed his hat whene’er he thought ’twas meet. 
Two years they dwelt in happiness sublime, . 
Smoking their pipes and having a good time. 

Two years they dwelt within old Union’s walls 

In quietness regarding Pleasure’s calls, 

Then like an avalanche on Switzer-town 


Mechanics on their heads comes thundering down. 


Their peace is gone, and sleepless nights of toil 


Displace all jollity ; all bumming spoil, 

No more the Junior grasps the brimming cup 
And to the bright-eyed Goddess drinks it up. 
Seek him when twilight gathers o’er the plain 
Within Dutch George’s and ye seek in vain, 
Seek him at Louis’ when the night has come, 
Alas! ye seek in vain,—for in his room 

"Mid crazing thoughts of “ points of application," 


25 


* Pulleys” and “screws,” ye find him at his station, 
His form is thin, and tottering to the grave 
Behold the victim ! view Mechanics’ slave, 

See the blear eyes, the step once firm and proud, 
The meagre face! then spare not, cry aloud 

This thy work Mechanics, this thy deed, 

These aching eyes, these hearts that inly bleed. 
And then to Justice cry ; and ask what meed 
Shall be for him who wrought the cursed deed. 
What fate be theirs who gave it that dread power, 
And his who wrote it in an evil hour? 

Excited was I, Devil? here me vow 

There’s not a soul within the shades below 

That needs such damning as that soul that lies 
Stretched on the bier before your very eyes. 


The Devil rose, and, taking up the book 

Turned o’er the leaves with shrewd and piercing look, 
Then pondered, then with wildly gleaming eye 
He chuckled with a fiend’s malignity, 

« T know his use,—I know his deep damnation, 
"Tis what I’ve sought with deepest cogitation. 

I have some reprobates in hottest fire 

I ne’er could punish to my heart’s desire. 

I have it now, What ho! ye fiends of Hell! 
Drag forth the reprobates from every cell 

And straightly form a class in Mathematics.” 

In inclined planes and screws and hydrostatics. 
There comes a wailing of all damned souls, 

And through Hell’s horrid chambers far it rolls. 
Yet still he cries “ Come forth, ye imps of Hell, 
Summon the lost, and ring the summons bell !” 


And then I woke and heard the college-bell, 
With jar and discord, o’er the Campus swell. 
An hour had gone, I'd lost a recitation, 

But then—I’d seen Mechanics’ destination. 


+ 


EXECRATION. 


It is right and proper that the deeds done in the body should 
be rewarded after this life. 

The living force of him we mourn is now reduced to zero. 
He is dead. 

If he be present in the spirit, let him now hear his doom. 

MECHANICS! every component of thy past life has acted 
with uniform imertia against the gravity, stability and equi- 
librium of all who came in contact with thee. Wherefore, may 
the grand resultant of thy motion through the ocean of eternity, 
ever gaining incremente of velocity, bring thee, hourly, into dis- 
ast’rous collision with deep-submerged solids. 

Thy life’s Work has been made up of many /orces, all acting 
in the same sense, all tending to drag thy FIZZLING victims down, 
to “‘ Not Sustained.’ Therefore, in thy fall, into the abyss of 
perdition, toward which thou hast ever gravitated, no hand 
shall interpose to save, but thy whirling flight shall be accel- 
erated by the force with which we spurn thee from our presence. 
And in thy compound motion through the upper strata of Tar- 
tarus, thou shalt revolve with such velocity, that the centrifugal 
force of thy confined brains shall strain thy iron bound seull to 
its utmost tension. 

Thy friction with the numerous bodies thou shalt meet, will 
be provided for by arming them with mangling hooks, and 
double edged knives; which shall tear from thy quiyering 
members great lumps of living agony. 

At last, in the Crack of Doom, when midway betwixt the 
glowing pit beneath and the reverberating concave above, in 
the hottest agony of the striving elements, thou shalt impinge 
upon, and crack the very shell of destiny, which, opening, 
shall set free ten thousand Gorgons, whose everlasting duty it 
shall be, to discover new horrors and invent new, refined tor- 
tures, with which to rack the very soul of their devoted victim. 


27 


There, in their midst, shalt thou find thy final equilibrium. 
There, thine everlasting work shall be, to grind at the ponder- 
ous * mills of the gods," where every BoxT forged out shall be 
projected on thy devoted head, and every chain shall be to bind 
thee in more hopeless misery. 

Let the flood-gates and waste-wetrs of the infernal lake be 
closed forever; let the //quid fire ever gain head, but never 
issue forth; let t—32—<injinity; let Mechanics be eternally 
dammed! (Here red sulphurous flames suddenly burst forth 
from the open grave.) — 

All hell doth roar! 


Ten thousand devils stand battering at the gates; howling 
for their long expected victim. Detain we him no longer, lest 
they break through and bring dire Chaos back to earth again. 

Vale! Vate! VALE! 


JUNIOR CLASS. 


NAMES. RESIDENCES. 
GEORGE AINSLIE, Delhi. 
WALTER C. ANTHONY, Glenham. 
GEORGE ARTHUR, | Springfield, Ohio. 
JoHN C. BAKER, Fort Miller. 
Puiny W. BARTHOLOMEW, Hermon. 
WirLrAM H. Beat, Jg., Schenectady. 
GEORGE T. BRADSHAW, Princetown. 
THomas W. BURNHAM, Cleveland, Ohio. 
EnrAs F. Carr, Troy. 
SAMUEL W. CLASON, JR., New Milford. 
SrpNEY T. CoRNELL, Jonesville. 
D. STaARKS CRUMB, | Bloomfield, Missouri. 
ErnisHA CunmnrISS, Sandy Creek. 
ALEXANDER DAVIDSON, Buffalo. 
JAMES Davis, JR., Albany. 
WirnLrAM F. Dora, Bovina. 
BxENJAMIN D. GIFrorD, Provincetown, Mass. 
DwiaHT FLOWER, Fort Dodge, Iowa. 
SAMUEL H. GLEASON, Barnet, Vermont. 
WALTER N. GOURLAY, Hoboken, New Jersey. 
HENRY GRAHAM, Wilna. 
ALBERT HEYWOOD, San Francisco, Cal. 
JOHN A. HENDERSON, Andes. 
BARTHOLOMEW HIGGINS, Waterford. 
JacoB M. Howarp, JR., Detroit, Michigan. 
SEgLAH HOWELL, Blooming Grove. 
ALEXANDER S8. Horr, West Milton. 
EDWARD A. JUDSON, Lansingburgh. 


29 


NAMES. 
SAMUEL J. Koontz, 
PuineEas S. LAMB, 
CHARLES F. Lewis, 
JAMES O. LIEBENAU, 
OuanLES W. Linn, 
Onanres B. Loomis, 
ARCHIBALD McIntyre, 
Epwarp P. MAGOUN, 
WinLiAM H. MirnHAM, 
FosrER Monss, 
WinLIAM M. MURRAY, 
FREDERICK M. NEWMAN, 
CHARLES J. NovEs, 
Epwarp W. PAIGE, 
OwEN PHILLIPS, 
WM. APPLETON POTTER, 
ANTHONY Ports, , 
Samurn F. PhENTIÍSS, 
Rosert D. RapcrirrE, . 
T. ErpER RarsTOoN, 
WinLiAM H. Hxrp, 
WiLLIAM H. SANBORN, 
Louis T. ScHERMERHORN, 
WARREN SCHOONOVER, 
GEORGE SCRAMLING, 
JAMES L. SEWARD, 
CHARLES M. SHELDON, 
AUGUSTUS SHERMAN, 
MassAsorr M. SKIFF, 
BnRnANDT G. SMYTHE, 
THEODORE B. STEVENS, 
Water M. STEWART, 
DaNrEL M. STIMSON, 
OuannLxes D. F. STEINFUHRER, 
ALONZO P. A. Strona, 
NicHoLAS TANCO, 


RESIDENCES. 
York, Sul. Springs, Pa. 
Fort Ann. 
Schenectady. 
Lloyd. 

Porto Rico, W. I. 
Buffalo. 

Albany. 

Hudson. 
Charlton. 

Red Falls. 

Delhi. 

Albany. 
Haverhill, Mass. 
Schenectady. 
Exeter. 
Philadelphia, Penn. 


Whitehall, Illinois. 
Montpelier, Vermont. 


Albany. 

Indiana, Penn. 
Johnstown. 
Plattsburgh. 
Troy. 

Honesdale, Penn. 
Oneonta. 
Cincinnati, Ohio. 
Amsterdam. 

New Baltimore. 
Savannah, Georgia. 
Newark, Ohio. 
Cleveland, Ohio. 
Johnstown. 
Albany. 
Schenectady. 
Schenectady. 
Havana, Cuba. 


NAMES. 


CHARLES O. THATCHER, 


30 


CHARLES H. TILLINGHASTE, 


Morris C. TurHILL, 
SrpnEY TUTTLE, 


CHauNoY E. VAN ALLEN, 


Davi» VAN Horne, 


SAMUEL S. WAKEMAN, 


ZAREMBA WALDRON, 
Henry WARD, 
JAcoB H. WixrING, 
LEANDER WILLIS, 
GrorGE W. Woop, 


Davip M. M. ZELLER, 


RESIDENCES. 
Lafayette, New Jersey. 
New York city. 
Blooming Grove. 

New York. 

West Perth. 

Glen. 

Ballston Spa. 

Ballston Centre. 
Guilderland Centre. 
Middletown, Penn. 
Alden. 

Walden. 

Dayton, Ohio. 77. 


CLASS ORGANIZATION 


President, - 
Secretary, - 


Treasurer, - 


Davip VAN Horne. 


ELISHA CURTISS. 


PuiInEAs S. LAMB. 


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